Have you ever had a feeling of semi-anticipation about a glorified and/or typical national foodstuff only to find out that you’ve got the same back home under a different name?

Enter stage right the protagonist of this sordid tale, Monsieur Croque a.k.a Mr. Toasted Ham & Cheese Sandwich.

I had high hopes for my first croque-monsieur. This is because this is all we were ever taught to order in my first ever French lessons. We had it explained to us – ham, cheese, bread – but the way our teacher’s eyes glazed over in fond recollection made me think there was really something more to it.

There’s not. Ham, cheese, bread. Not even the most fantastic cheese or bread either (both fields in which France excels). More like primary school lunch plastic cheese and 15p a loaf Tesco bread.

Now I know that she just realised we’d never be anything more than students or budget backpackers…

Anyway, I do appreciate the sense of humour in the name. Not exactly the male version, but I did have a chuckle the first time I heard about the female companion version, the croquet-madame. But what’s the difference?

Well unlike French nouns, this is a little easier to determine gender. The “Madame” has eggs…